I just can't believe this is actually happening. It all happened so fast. I have so many regrets. I wish I recorded him saying your letter out loud so you could hear his voice. I wish I had taken a million more videos and photographs. I wish I had cherished, relished, and remembered in incredible detail each and every conversation we ever had. You, me and Michael spent so much time together. He'd come up on Thursdays or Fridays and spend the whole long weekend hanging out alongside us. I'm trying to find our new routine now. You seem to understand a little bit, but sometimes you will ask Tutu "Did you find Michael?" You tell me "Michael is in the sky. He is everywhere. He is an angel. He is always watching me". And I really believe this to be true. You ask me if I miss him. If I'm sad. And I tell you I am. But you make me happy. Your whole life, anytime I finally got you down for a nap or bed, Michael would joke and say "Let's wake him up!" Or if we ever got hurt he'd say "That shouldn't hurt!" Or if we ever made a mistake he'd say "That could've happened to anybody. Great minds cannot be consumed with minor detail". I still look down our private road expecting him to show up. Which is why my heart seems to be breaking every moment of the day. This is the worst heart ache I've ever experienced. He loved you more than life itself. And I promise to talk about him every day. But Mike was such a wonderful good hearted man. I know he wants us to keep living life to the fullest, and spreading aloha to everyone around us. Which is what we will strive to do.
The past two months you have saying some pretty cute things. In the cutest voice ever you will say "But Bye Erica. Thank you so much!"
You have been obsessed with ballet, dancing to angel music, and crumbling dirt balls.
You are quick to appologize when you accidentally make a mistake.
You pretend I'm a squirrel, and daddy's a walrus and you are a mouse, and you ask me questions. "Squirrel?
My students love to hear your voice
Your vocabulary continues to be amazing. "I'm gunna go outside and check out what dada's doing"
Our alarm system will say "Please say your command" and you shout back "No Stank you!" (No stanks is no thanks in your little accent)
You love to be the worker man "I'm a worker man!" (It's what you wanted to be for halloween this year)
You call the pressure washer the washa pwasha. I think we should rename it that!
You will always say "We're ready to roll!" when you have your shoes and coat on.
You will say "You know something? I have an undea! (idea) It'lll make you sooo happy!"
On an adventure hike to find a bathtub up the ranch you said "Dada? You make a path?"
You make up stories! Usually very traumatic and violent! I have a big bad boo boo. I cut my toe with a saw. Or you cut your finger in the blender.
You will say "I'm a dirt man! I'm a dirt kid!"
You love to help me cook. Make smoothies, make eggs.
You have been more willing to go to school. Dada runs you in the Bob jogger and it's a special boy time.
You say hilarious stuff like "When I grow up my ting ting grow lots of hair!"
You loved the halloween spider we bought from Costco. "I wuv you so much spider! You are my best friend!"
You do NOT like listening to me play music for myself or other peoples enjoyment. Performing at school with Poppy was NOT a success! (But you are fine when I teach!)
You have an excuse for everything "No mama, could poke you in the eye or crack you on the head!" "My tummy hurts over there, I need to sit closer".
You sang "you are my sunshine, eensie spider, and tiny turtle song" at Michael's Celebration of life. Someone recorded the turtle song, but I wish soooo much we had a video of you singing you are my sunshine because it was the most angelic voice ever.
You talk about your angel michael. Watching you swing. Making you laugh banging against the chimney. We truly hope you can see him!
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